Sunday, 16 January 2011

I've recently taken to wearing an 'engagement' ring, I don't really know why.  It could be so that when I go out people won't want to talk to me, or it could be because I am a shameless attention seeker.  I wear it to work every day and occasionally answer customers' queries about the upcoming nuptials or my fianc√©(e), but mostly I just get embarrassed and admit that I bought the ring as part of a set of 4 for £1.50 from Primark.

I'm not engaged - not even close.  I'm not in a relationship and I'm scared of people who show any interest in me.  I'm shy and cautious and feel like I'll be forever hung up on my ex.  I'm not sure that my attitude towards relationships and romance is what many people would consider normal and I often worry that I'll never love someone again.  Isn't that pathetic?  Don't I just sound like a silly little girl?  I look at everyone around me with nice girlfriends and nice boyfriends; they don't fight every day, they don't manipulate each another and they don't play out their dramas online.  They enjoy one another's company and if things go wrong and they break up, it won't be too long before they find someone new - it makes me slightly envious.  

I feel like I'm being bombarded with adverts on TV for these dating websites:,, etc.  And although I would never consider using this as a way to meet people -  the entire process just seems so awkward - today I signed up.  I was merely doing this to satiate my curiosity as to who they would pair me with and to see if the compatibility test really was as meaningful as they claim.  I spent about 40 minutes completing the questionnaire on my phone, answering questions relating to my personality and traits and was excited to see the results.  I really wasn't expecting to be turned down.

With this message the nice people at eHarmony tried to reassure me that this wasn't my fault, but exactly what I assumed was true, is:  I am too crazy to love. 

1 comment:

Poppy Elizabeth said...

I really hope you don't truly feel this. After over a year of being single after a fairly lengthly and lovely relationship I can completely relate to your feelings of hopelessness.
Poppy Elizabeth xx